I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
