yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
