So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
