No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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