Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
