cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
