Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
