When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
