Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize