I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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