When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
