i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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