like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
