someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
