Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
