South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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