My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
