I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
