She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
