If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
