If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
is wine microwaveable?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
