If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
