i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize