found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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