So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
