So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
