The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
