Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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