I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
