We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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