I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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