You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
