Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
