Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
