Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
where are my eyebrows?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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