Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I think my fart just growled at me.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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