using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
