dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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