A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
