And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
