Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
