Kiss
Puke
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We're too hungover to prance.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
