Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
