just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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