I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
