He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
