there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
