I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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