i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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