Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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