I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
