I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
