somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Jerry, you need to find god
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
