Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
