The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
