If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
