he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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