I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
