i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
