beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
