you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
