there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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