The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
