her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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