hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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