Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
This house was built for laser tag.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
