he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
they're like a gay fantastic four
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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