if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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