So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I intend to get homeless drunk
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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