For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
